Sunday, December 16, 2012

Was Mary... Merry?

As I stuffed my Christmas envelopes this year I felt a peace and a feeling of hope that I have not felt in a long time.  Let me tell you the story.
Lex, I was never very excited about family pictures after you earned your wings.  Without you in our picture, it just wasn't complete.

When your little sister Abi was born, I decided that I would take a family picture, but with you in it. A little girl named Mary just miraculously came into our life.  I actually met her mother and her at a playgroup!  She had dark hair, brown eyes and olive skin, just like you.  She was the same age as you... would have been.  I asked her mother if I could borrow her for a picture and told her our story.  The rest is history and the pictures we captured that day are priceless.  The photographer had us title two of the pictures.  The family picture is called “Angel Among Us”.  The picture of you and your sisters playing Ring around the Rosie is called, “Eternal Love.”

This December, I decided it was time to take a family picture. Enough with being sad that you would not be in it.   Guess who showed up on that day?  The photographer pointed out to me on several of the pictures that there was a bright light and knowing our story said, “I am sure that is Alexi.”
As I look at the picture of my beautiful family and reminisce about you, my angel in heaven shining a bright light on us….these are my thoughts.

Be Merry, Merry….I wonder if the blessed Mother Mary was Merry when she thought of her son Jesus.  Did she think of his suffering and his death on the cross?  Was she able to get past the painful memories or did she dwell on them?  I hope that she saw Jesus as many do, our Savior, our tower of refuge and strength, our shining light that brings us joy and love, grace and hope.  At the sound of His name, my heart swells with His love.
When I think of you my daughter, Alexi I sometimes find myself stuck in the painful memories of losing you.  Depression and sorrow fill my heart and the tears flow even after all these years.
Is that how you would want it?  Or would you rather my thoughts be of the bright and shining light that you are and the love and grace and hope that you brought us?
As I think of the parents who recently lost their children in Connecticut, I pray that they will be able to soon forget the painful and senseless way in which their children earned their wings and focus on their bright lights and the joy and love they brought to this world. 
May all of us who have lost a loved one and all of us in general be Merry and Bright as that is how God and everything good in this world would want us to be.   

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Hawk....a bird of PREY

So, Lex...

It has taken me 16 years to figure out what you have been trying to tell me.  I am a little slow and stubborn sometimes!

Your dad get's things alot quicker...

Let me go back  a few years ago when you earned your angel wings and flew to Heaven.  Your dad placed a Hawkeye golf ball with you and told you to "Kick one in for him."  His first round of golf that year will never be forgotten.  It was a cold and windy April day when he stepped up to the par 3, pulled out a wedge and hit it 165 yards. When he could not find his ball, he looked in the hole.  As tears rolled down his face, he pulled out his Hawkeye ball and gently gave it a kiss.

Since that day Hawks have been very important to your dad.  Evertime we see a Hawk, which is often in Iowa, your dad will say, "There is Alexi." 

I have never felt this connection with Hawks until recently.  Since we moved to Echo Valley 4 years ago we are greeted by Hawks as we leave in the morning and as we come back home in the evening.  A few weeks ago on my way to taking your sister to school, I was stopped by a sunrise that was beyond beautiful!  The sky was red and orange and pink and it was an awesome backdrop for a silhouette of a tree in which a Hawk sat.  I asked Abi to google the definition of Hawk, she soon responded, "Bird of PREY."  That was it!  That is what you have been trying to tell me all of these years.  All of these years, you were trying to tell me to PRAY, to fix my eyes on Jesus.

Thank you for this reminder every day, Alexi.
My heart misses you today....